I hate to see the one I love happy with somebody 

but I surely hate it more to see the one I love unhappy with me...

tagged questions

Where were you 3 hours ago? 
Mcd Ipoh Garden

Who are you in love with? 
him. always him.

Have you ever eaten a crayon? 
nope.

Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? 
yes. a mirror.

When is the last time you went to the mall? 
last Sunday

Are you wearing socks right now? 
no

Does your family have a car worth over $2,000? 
yes. my dad's car. i don't have my own.

When was the last time you drove out of town? 
i don't even have a license

Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days? 
no

Are you hot? 
nope

What was the last thing you had to drink? 
teh ais

What are you wearing right now? 
t-shirt and short pants

Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it? 
i don't have a car lahhhh

Last food that you ate? 
nasi goreng paprik

Where were you last week at this time? 
i don't remember

Have you bought any clothing items in the last week? 
yess. a t-shirt.

When is the last time you ran? 
2 hours ago. trying to catch up with him. he walked too fast.

What's the last sporting event you watched? 
football. Perak vs Sarawak at stadium Ipoh

What is your favorite animal? 
cat =)

Your dream vacation? 
vacation accompany by my husband to be but i don't know who is going to be my husband

Last person's house you were in? 
errr.... x ingt..

Worst injury you've ever had? 
5 stitches on my batang hidung.

Have you been in love? 
ofcourse

Do you miss anyone right now? 
yes i do.. i miss him.. ='(

Last play you saw? 
can't remember..

What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? 
cry like a baby.. =P

What are your plans for tonight? 
nothing much. on9, write my journal, sleep.

Who is the last person you sent a MySpace message or comment? 
i think no one uses myspace nowadays

Next trip you are going to take? 
err.. ntah

Ever go to camp? 
few times

Were you an honor roll student in school? 
no..

What do you want to know about the future? 
who is going to be my husband =P

Are you wearing any perfume or cologne? 
cologne. sometimes i use perfume.

Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit? 
no..


Where is your best friend? 
in k.l

How is your best friend? 
i think she's doing fine. started a new semester in her uni.

Do you have a tan? 
nope


What are you listening to right now? 
awie songs.

Do you collect anything? 
nope..

Who is the biggest gossiper you know? 
no idea


Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over? 
last year. near Fairpark.

Have you ever drank your soda from a straw? 
yess

Do you like hot sauce? 
yes i do! =)

Last time you took a shower? 
4 hours ago

Do you need to do laundry? 
ofcourse i do

What is your heritage? 
malay + mamak + chinese. kot.

Are you someone's best friend? 
i think so..

Are you rich? 
apparently no.

What were you doing at 12AM last night? 

crying...

letting go and moving on

 we used to be happy together..
we get along very well..
we share our laughter..
we care for each other..
i was very happy..
eventhough deep inside me..
i never feel confident..
i felt insecure..
but being with you was the happiest thing in my life..
i told myself..
not to be worried..
all is going to be fine..
even i knew...
such thing will happened..
we will be apart..
we will hate each other..
we tend to blame each other..
and it happened..
i'm hurt..
i'm sad..
losing you was worst feeling i can ever felt...
i'm not blaming you..
as i know i was never perfect for you..
and still i am not..
you choose her instead of me..
to be part of your life..
i wish..
i'm the one..
who is going to hold your hand till we're old..
spending our life together..
having a family together..
until i realize..
i was just dreaming..
dreaming about something that is impossible..
because i was never in your heart..
i knew it all this while..
but keep pretending..
i lied to myself..
i convinced my self...
denying the fact..
pretending that is not true..
i was a fool..
i was stupid..

but now i have to let you go..
it was hard..
as i've been through this kind of situation before..
and i never thought of going through it again..
this is life..
forgetting you is hard..
but i have to..
life is never easy...
i wish you're happy with her..
you will always in my heart..
MSZ

me being me

i've lost myself or most of me..

i'm so confused..

what's true or false..

what's fact and fiction after all..

 

the fact : a life

the fiction : a life full of happiness

 

The sun has dimmed...

The sun has dimmed

The moon has begun to burn

Why has the sky begun to melt?

I stand still as the earth moves around me

The heart beats faster as my breath goes deeper

Yes, is this my first love?

My love, is this my first love?

This moment is beautiful

Everything is changing

Dreams are blending into real life

Is this bond of ours centuries old?

For in a such way i am meeting you

Love's season will remain like this always

Meet me like this, lifetime after lifetime

I stand still as the earth moves around me

The heart beats faster as my breath goes deeper

Yes, is this my first love?

My love, is this my first love?

Only with your colour am i this colourful, darling

Having gained you, i am losing myself, darling

Beloved, having drowned in your love

I am becoming the shore, darling

The ocean has become thirsty

Night has begun to awaken

Even in the heart of flame, fire erupted

I stand still as the earth moves around me

My heart beats faster as my breath goes deeper

Is this my first love?

My love, is this my first love?

The sun has dimmed

The moon has begun to burn

Why has the sky begun to melt?

=)

Cinta sejati adalah ketika dia mencintai orang lain,

dan kamu masih mampu tersenyum,

sambil berkata,

" aku turut bahagia untukmu"

ungrateful me?? no it isn't.

recently, i complained. A LOT. i complain seeing how easy for the other people who always get the things that I WANT for the longest time. i complain seeing people who can sleep all day long and still can have a good damn food to feed themself without working. i complain seeing people who can spend all the time they have.

unlike me, i have to work. to survive. to feed my self. to be able to pay bills, fuel, and so on. sometimes when my body told me that.. "gosh u're making me moving all the time. get a rest women!!! " then i started to skip classes. i tend to do this a lot. not because that i'm lazy or that i don't like going to college (mke annoying mata ke atas tgn ke dada). it's just that.. sometimes i felt so tired that all i wanted to do is to sleep and sleep and sleep.

having an energy depletion is sooo damn annoying. imagine i just came back from class around 4.30 pm. put my schoolbag down. grab the towel, wash myself as fast as i can. n change to my work cloth. i usually started working around 5 pm during the weekdays.

u see, i find working is not a hard stuff to deal with as it has become part of me. i'm the type of person who cannot just sit back and do nothing. it just that, when it comes to the part where "i have to work damn hard in order to survive while others can get what eff ver the want just by asking their parents to buy them". it just not fair.

i have to work...

to feed my stomach...

to pay bills...

to be able to buy things...

etc lah...

maybe i sound ungrateful. but that's not it. i really do not know what i have to do. or i need to do. i glad that i still can survive in this world. by my own. hope things get better for me in the future.

....

i've nothing to write. but a lot has been going on in my mind. and recently my guilty pleasure to make myself happy, well... atleast pretend to make myself happy. is by making others happy. eventhough i know that will cause my some problem, but nevermind it'll be fine.

it is fine to make others happy...
when u're not...
atleast someone is happy..
even it's not you...

"what goes around comes around"

i'm currently in the state of the highest desperateness...
for happiness..
or in other words...
hoping for someone that can make me happy...
just like i did to the others..

hope my turn will come soon..

missing u...

dedicate this song especially for you....

Di Saat Aku Mencintaimu

mengapa kau pergi, mengapa kau pergi
di saat aku mulai mencintaimu
berharap engkau jadi kekasih hatiku
malah kau pergi jauh dari hidupku
*courtesy of LirikLaguIndonesia.net
menyendiri lagi, menyendiri lagi
di saat kau tinggalkan diriku pergi
tak pernah ada yang menghiasi hariku
di saat aku terbangun dari tidurku

aku inginkan dirimu datang dan temui aku
kan ku katakan padamu aku sangat mencintai dirimu
aku inginkan dirimu datang dan temui aku
kan ku katakan padamu aku sangat mencinta

menyendiri lagi, menyendiri lagi
di saat kau tinggalkan diriku pergi
tak pernah ada yang menghiasi hariku
di saat aku terbangun dari tidurku

semoga engkau kan mengerti tentang perasaan ini
maaf ku telah terbuai akan indahnya cinta (indahnya cinta)
maaf sungguh ku tak bisa (tak bisa) untuk kembali padamu
maaf ku telah terbuai akan indahnya cinta

aku inginkan dirimu datang dan temui aku
kan ku katakan padamu aku sangat mencinta

berprotokol bagai.. rimas lerrr

alkisahnyer, CMS tmpt keje aku sgt la teruk. bos yg ckp la. aku peduli hape kalau teruk pn. janji aku wat keje aku.

CMS ni mcm cre kte greet customer la kan. kne introduce kn diri mula2, senyum la, ape la. yess aku leh wat semua tu tp ikut mood jgk. then nme aku je yg x kua cms lg. sal aku lg selesa duk blakang tabir wat keje (e.g bar ke washing ke lantak jnji x duk dpn lyn customer).

2-3 hari ni bos ade je duk melanguk tgk staff2 wat keje. komen dier sal aku kt manager :

"sy nak fiza introduce diri sebelum mek order. pastu suh dier senyum kt customer. kalau x nnt besok sebelum punch kad sy nak dier diri depan cermin senyum je 20 minit"

errr... aku x kisah la gurau ke ape ke. well, x ckup ke aku senyum kt customer? x kan nak tegedik gedik lak. adoiii. T__T yess kdg2 aku senyum dah tahap terpaksa hipokrit thp gebang, sbb da penat. keje 8 jam leh ke ko nak senyum ngan ikhlas 8 jam tu??

bak kata Farmi kwn tmpt keje aku. (statement dier wat aku gelak gak ngan mke bodo selambe dier tu).

"ceh. senyum2. penat la. dpt elaun senyum x pe gak ni gaji same jer"

HAHA!

ye la ye la. from now on, i will focus on my cms. tu pn sbb kang aku x wat manager aku lak kene. seb bek manager2 pn sempoi baek2.

p/s : x de mud nak merepek psl exam final. exam?? ape tu?? hoooo~

feel better

ehem ehem... korang konpem ckp aku kuno pas ni. sbb aku da dlete fb!! muahaha. well, rse nye aku x perlukan fb buat mse skang. bia la aku ngan dunia aku sendri. eceh. bkn pe. aku rse fb ni salah satu penyumbang keserabutan pale aku atas sbb2 ttentu. well, tp kdg2 nak keep update sal org2 ttentu aku cilok fb huda ngan aini jap tgk. argghhh!!! bek x yah delete fb cm tu kn. -___-" ttp well, like i said, fb is not necessary to me for the time being. n n told myself not to be a stalker by using org len nyer fb!!!

rinduuuuuu.........

npe skang aku rse ak dh makin jauh ngan org2 yg aku rapat. ak x pasti aku yg jauhkn diri atau pn derang yg menjauhkn diri. ade yg pegi jauh. ak x suka situasi org yg aku syg pegi jauh dr aku. cuz i know what will happened. bila dh jauh, mle la begaduh. bnde kecik pn jd besa. bila da pegi jauh, aku tkt sgt org yg aku syg tu lupa kt aku. dah jauh, mmg teringat tp dlm mse yg sme cri teman wat hilang sunyi. aku x mrh aku fhm. cuma harap dier hepy cukup la. n ingt aku wlaupun sikit pn ckup sgt. ak x ske gilerrr situasi cm ni. org. yg aku syg pegi jauh. ak x nmpk depan mata. wlaupun dier pegi bkn sesaje. ade keje. nak ckp mcm aku pentingkn dri sendri pn ade. nak je aku ckp x yah la keje jejauh!!! duk je la dekat ngan aku. tp x pe la. sbb aku syg org tu so aku nak yg terbaek utk dier. gi la jejauh pn aslkn bejaya n hepy dh la. n n jgn lpe kt aku ckop.

balik la.... i need u...

miss u.......

p/s : start emo jadah due to pms kot. ceh.

mood swing

mlm semalam. rse nyer aku telelap jap. x la lme. kejap je pn. tataw npe tbe2 mcm tebgun. tekejut nape ntah.

ape jd???

aku nanges x brenti. wadehel?? ade sbb x pe gak. ni x de sbb tbe2 je jd cm tu.

-_-"

rase cm bengong pn ade. nanges beria je.

besok tu aku wat spekulasi. maybe mase tu dh nk smp. time meroyan di bulan februari.

tgk2 btol!!! haha

dtg la hari tersebut pd hari ini.

ohhh.. smp x leh keje. aku punch kad sejam tbe2 rse cm nak tekua isi perot.

ckp kt ms sy nak balik x larat. ms bg balik.

bwk motor smbil pgg perot. hoh.

bhayer.

perot tlg la bsk jgn sakit yer.

rampasan i.d

satu mlm jumaat. dlm pkul 12.30. cm bese. aku balik keje. park moto. fork moto. bukak helmet. jalan gi kt tngga umah. mcm bese la. x de perasaan pon kn. tbe2 rse mcm nmpk org kt tngga nak nek umah tu. dlm hati kte. "bdk2 ni lepak mlm2 lg ke?" sbb bdk2 tngkat bwh salu melepak memlm kt lua kan.

jalan dgn x beperasaan cme ade ngantuk ingt nak landing je ats katil empuk aku tu. makin dekat aku dgn org kt tngga tu. dekat lg. jalan sket lg. dier duk tepi sket so aku pn blah trus nek tngga.

tbe2.. bru aku perasan.

oh no!!! En M dr jbtan disiplin kolej. (jabatan ke? department whatever lah kn) wedehek la!!!

x mmpu nak pth balik sbb dh telajak n dier pn dh nmpk aku. ak nak poyo wat2 cm bkn student pn x leh pasal mke aku mmg dier dh cam. jgn tnyer npe lah kn dier cam mke aku.

En M : ni balik lewat2 dr mne ni??

Sy : hurm. sy bru blik keje ni En M. part time.

En M : haish awk ni. bak i.d.

Sy : yelah. jap sy nek mek kang sy trun balik bg.

aku pun tehegeh hegeh mek i.d kt umah. turun balik bwh. dgn jujur penuh ikhlas hulur i.d yg bru buat rm10 pkai x smp sebulan tu.

En M : sy terpaksa amek i.d awk. balik lewat2 cm nie.. keje..

Sy : ala En M. sy keje hbes closing. kelas hbes ptg. kne keje smp mlm.

En M : hm. x pe sok kte sembang kt kolej. jmpe sy bsk.

Sy : urm.. kne byr pape ke nak mek i.d sy balik tu? (bru teringat lepas rye cine ade mid sem. cm ne nak mek exam x de i.d sengal la)

En M : ala. duit byk kn. awk keje.

Sy : haish. sbb x de duit la sy keje. (mintak simpati skit)

En M : dah2. pegi naek rehat tido. besok jmpe sy.

Sy : yelah.

naek balik tngkat 4. baring2 x tuka pun uniform keje busuk. pk mcm. npe la ssh sgt. keje pn slh. bkn wat pe pn. duk ostel cm ni la gaya nye. nak wat pe pn x leh. last2 tido jgk dlm pkul 2 sbb otak dh serabut sgt.

pg tu x gi kelas. x de mood. ptg bru gi. tu pn sal nak jmpe en M ngan mek test 1 basic microbiology. pas wat test gi jmpe en M.

hurm.. nak mek i.d kne dnda rm50. ciss. duit mnyak aku pn x smp rm50 sebulan. x pe x pe. byk tol dugaan. En M ckp kne tulis surat inform kolej nak keje. atas sbb2 yg kukuh. agak2 kalau aku tulis je kt surat tu "sy nak beli henset baru sbb tu sy keje duit pt x ckup". ok x? haha! ok2. x pun kne duk lua. cri umah sewa. sng kit nak keje kn. ske hati aku nak balik kul bpe.

surat menyurat?? hurm.. aku bkn reti nak surat2 ni. lg2 nak ltk ayt power wat alasan kukuh sal pe nk keje. umah sewa?? byr bln2 lg. arghhhhh....

ssh... nye... cm... niee....

se...ra...but....

to....long....

-___-"

amek ahh i.d tu. pas ni nak benti blaja keje pn x nak. nak kawen. haha!!!

ok2. back to the story. what should i do???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-___________-"

classes.. adoi. -_-"

i sleep a lot lately.very often u know. one of the day, i slept about 16 hours and woke up just one hour b4 went to work. like hell crazy lorh!! i dont know y my body feels like they are just waiting the time to rip apart. i'm tired. tired like hell. seriously.

and lately i noticed that i'm no more interested in going for classes. ehem. i'm still interested in studying okayy. it's just that i don't like the fucking hell going to college and classes and all. it's getting bored day by day. just sat in the class, hearing my lect blah blah blah. maybe it's because the environment?? fucking cold aircond, dim light while watching slide, lecturer gives their lecture for 1 hour straight b4 giving 5 mins of break. nice huh. i found that i can no longer concentrate after 30 mins of lecture. -_-"

i skip classes very often lately. i don't know y. i rather studying on my own that going to college. well, as u guys know, my college is... kindda.... different from the normal one. it is more like a school than a college. seriously!! i felt like i've being treated like a school children. school is better that my college. more activities, more food in the canteen, sports!! yeah sports. i've been through a really sportless year since i'm here. wtf. -_-"

i must put all the strength to get through this college life for about.... another 5 mth. and then i'm going for posting. better than classes i wish. i cannot do something that don't require myself just to sit back and do nothing. i need to move okayyy. walk here and there, making myself dayyuum tired. that's the way i like!!! ;D