The sun has dimmed...

The sun has dimmed

The moon has begun to burn

Why has the sky begun to melt?

I stand still as the earth moves around me

The heart beats faster as my breath goes deeper

Yes, is this my first love?

My love, is this my first love?

This moment is beautiful

Everything is changing

Dreams are blending into real life

Is this bond of ours centuries old?

For in a such way i am meeting you

Love's season will remain like this always

Meet me like this, lifetime after lifetime

I stand still as the earth moves around me

The heart beats faster as my breath goes deeper

Yes, is this my first love?

My love, is this my first love?

Only with your colour am i this colourful, darling

Having gained you, i am losing myself, darling

Beloved, having drowned in your love

I am becoming the shore, darling

The ocean has become thirsty

Night has begun to awaken

Even in the heart of flame, fire erupted

I stand still as the earth moves around me

My heart beats faster as my breath goes deeper

Is this my first love?

My love, is this my first love?

The sun has dimmed

The moon has begun to burn

Why has the sky begun to melt?

=)

Cinta sejati adalah ketika dia mencintai orang lain,

dan kamu masih mampu tersenyum,

sambil berkata,

" aku turut bahagia untukmu"

ungrateful me?? no it isn't.

recently, i complained. A LOT. i complain seeing how easy for the other people who always get the things that I WANT for the longest time. i complain seeing people who can sleep all day long and still can have a good damn food to feed themself without working. i complain seeing people who can spend all the time they have.

unlike me, i have to work. to survive. to feed my self. to be able to pay bills, fuel, and so on. sometimes when my body told me that.. "gosh u're making me moving all the time. get a rest women!!! " then i started to skip classes. i tend to do this a lot. not because that i'm lazy or that i don't like going to college (mke annoying mata ke atas tgn ke dada). it's just that.. sometimes i felt so tired that all i wanted to do is to sleep and sleep and sleep.

having an energy depletion is sooo damn annoying. imagine i just came back from class around 4.30 pm. put my schoolbag down. grab the towel, wash myself as fast as i can. n change to my work cloth. i usually started working around 5 pm during the weekdays.

u see, i find working is not a hard stuff to deal with as it has become part of me. i'm the type of person who cannot just sit back and do nothing. it just that, when it comes to the part where "i have to work damn hard in order to survive while others can get what eff ver the want just by asking their parents to buy them". it just not fair.

i have to work...

to feed my stomach...

to pay bills...

to be able to buy things...

etc lah...

maybe i sound ungrateful. but that's not it. i really do not know what i have to do. or i need to do. i glad that i still can survive in this world. by my own. hope things get better for me in the future.

....

i've nothing to write. but a lot has been going on in my mind. and recently my guilty pleasure to make myself happy, well... atleast pretend to make myself happy. is by making others happy. eventhough i know that will cause my some problem, but nevermind it'll be fine.

it is fine to make others happy...
when u're not...
atleast someone is happy..
even it's not you...

"what goes around comes around"

i'm currently in the state of the highest desperateness...
for happiness..
or in other words...
hoping for someone that can make me happy...
just like i did to the others..

hope my turn will come soon..

missing u...

dedicate this song especially for you....

Di Saat Aku Mencintaimu

mengapa kau pergi, mengapa kau pergi
di saat aku mulai mencintaimu
berharap engkau jadi kekasih hatiku
malah kau pergi jauh dari hidupku
*courtesy of LirikLaguIndonesia.net
menyendiri lagi, menyendiri lagi
di saat kau tinggalkan diriku pergi
tak pernah ada yang menghiasi hariku
di saat aku terbangun dari tidurku

aku inginkan dirimu datang dan temui aku
kan ku katakan padamu aku sangat mencintai dirimu
aku inginkan dirimu datang dan temui aku
kan ku katakan padamu aku sangat mencinta

menyendiri lagi, menyendiri lagi
di saat kau tinggalkan diriku pergi
tak pernah ada yang menghiasi hariku
di saat aku terbangun dari tidurku

semoga engkau kan mengerti tentang perasaan ini
maaf ku telah terbuai akan indahnya cinta (indahnya cinta)
maaf sungguh ku tak bisa (tak bisa) untuk kembali padamu
maaf ku telah terbuai akan indahnya cinta

aku inginkan dirimu datang dan temui aku
kan ku katakan padamu aku sangat mencinta

berprotokol bagai.. rimas lerrr

alkisahnyer, CMS tmpt keje aku sgt la teruk. bos yg ckp la. aku peduli hape kalau teruk pn. janji aku wat keje aku.

CMS ni mcm cre kte greet customer la kan. kne introduce kn diri mula2, senyum la, ape la. yess aku leh wat semua tu tp ikut mood jgk. then nme aku je yg x kua cms lg. sal aku lg selesa duk blakang tabir wat keje (e.g bar ke washing ke lantak jnji x duk dpn lyn customer).

2-3 hari ni bos ade je duk melanguk tgk staff2 wat keje. komen dier sal aku kt manager :

"sy nak fiza introduce diri sebelum mek order. pastu suh dier senyum kt customer. kalau x nnt besok sebelum punch kad sy nak dier diri depan cermin senyum je 20 minit"

errr... aku x kisah la gurau ke ape ke. well, x ckup ke aku senyum kt customer? x kan nak tegedik gedik lak. adoiii. T__T yess kdg2 aku senyum dah tahap terpaksa hipokrit thp gebang, sbb da penat. keje 8 jam leh ke ko nak senyum ngan ikhlas 8 jam tu??

bak kata Farmi kwn tmpt keje aku. (statement dier wat aku gelak gak ngan mke bodo selambe dier tu).

"ceh. senyum2. penat la. dpt elaun senyum x pe gak ni gaji same jer"

HAHA!

ye la ye la. from now on, i will focus on my cms. tu pn sbb kang aku x wat manager aku lak kene. seb bek manager2 pn sempoi baek2.

p/s : x de mud nak merepek psl exam final. exam?? ape tu?? hoooo~

feel better

ehem ehem... korang konpem ckp aku kuno pas ni. sbb aku da dlete fb!! muahaha. well, rse nye aku x perlukan fb buat mse skang. bia la aku ngan dunia aku sendri. eceh. bkn pe. aku rse fb ni salah satu penyumbang keserabutan pale aku atas sbb2 ttentu. well, tp kdg2 nak keep update sal org2 ttentu aku cilok fb huda ngan aini jap tgk. argghhh!!! bek x yah delete fb cm tu kn. -___-" ttp well, like i said, fb is not necessary to me for the time being. n n told myself not to be a stalker by using org len nyer fb!!!

rinduuuuuu.........

npe skang aku rse ak dh makin jauh ngan org2 yg aku rapat. ak x pasti aku yg jauhkn diri atau pn derang yg menjauhkn diri. ade yg pegi jauh. ak x suka situasi org yg aku syg pegi jauh dr aku. cuz i know what will happened. bila dh jauh, mle la begaduh. bnde kecik pn jd besa. bila da pegi jauh, aku tkt sgt org yg aku syg tu lupa kt aku. dah jauh, mmg teringat tp dlm mse yg sme cri teman wat hilang sunyi. aku x mrh aku fhm. cuma harap dier hepy cukup la. n ingt aku wlaupun sikit pn ckup sgt. ak x ske gilerrr situasi cm ni. org. yg aku syg pegi jauh. ak x nmpk depan mata. wlaupun dier pegi bkn sesaje. ade keje. nak ckp mcm aku pentingkn dri sendri pn ade. nak je aku ckp x yah la keje jejauh!!! duk je la dekat ngan aku. tp x pe la. sbb aku syg org tu so aku nak yg terbaek utk dier. gi la jejauh pn aslkn bejaya n hepy dh la. n n jgn lpe kt aku ckop.

balik la.... i need u...

miss u.......

p/s : start emo jadah due to pms kot. ceh.

mood swing

mlm semalam. rse nyer aku telelap jap. x la lme. kejap je pn. tataw npe tbe2 mcm tebgun. tekejut nape ntah.

ape jd???

aku nanges x brenti. wadehel?? ade sbb x pe gak. ni x de sbb tbe2 je jd cm tu.

-_-"

rase cm bengong pn ade. nanges beria je.

besok tu aku wat spekulasi. maybe mase tu dh nk smp. time meroyan di bulan februari.

tgk2 btol!!! haha

dtg la hari tersebut pd hari ini.

ohhh.. smp x leh keje. aku punch kad sejam tbe2 rse cm nak tekua isi perot.

ckp kt ms sy nak balik x larat. ms bg balik.

bwk motor smbil pgg perot. hoh.

bhayer.

perot tlg la bsk jgn sakit yer.

rampasan i.d

satu mlm jumaat. dlm pkul 12.30. cm bese. aku balik keje. park moto. fork moto. bukak helmet. jalan gi kt tngga umah. mcm bese la. x de perasaan pon kn. tbe2 rse mcm nmpk org kt tngga nak nek umah tu. dlm hati kte. "bdk2 ni lepak mlm2 lg ke?" sbb bdk2 tngkat bwh salu melepak memlm kt lua kan.

jalan dgn x beperasaan cme ade ngantuk ingt nak landing je ats katil empuk aku tu. makin dekat aku dgn org kt tngga tu. dekat lg. jalan sket lg. dier duk tepi sket so aku pn blah trus nek tngga.

tbe2.. bru aku perasan.

oh no!!! En M dr jbtan disiplin kolej. (jabatan ke? department whatever lah kn) wedehek la!!!

x mmpu nak pth balik sbb dh telajak n dier pn dh nmpk aku. ak nak poyo wat2 cm bkn student pn x leh pasal mke aku mmg dier dh cam. jgn tnyer npe lah kn dier cam mke aku.

En M : ni balik lewat2 dr mne ni??

Sy : hurm. sy bru blik keje ni En M. part time.

En M : haish awk ni. bak i.d.

Sy : yelah. jap sy nek mek kang sy trun balik bg.

aku pun tehegeh hegeh mek i.d kt umah. turun balik bwh. dgn jujur penuh ikhlas hulur i.d yg bru buat rm10 pkai x smp sebulan tu.

En M : sy terpaksa amek i.d awk. balik lewat2 cm nie.. keje..

Sy : ala En M. sy keje hbes closing. kelas hbes ptg. kne keje smp mlm.

En M : hm. x pe sok kte sembang kt kolej. jmpe sy bsk.

Sy : urm.. kne byr pape ke nak mek i.d sy balik tu? (bru teringat lepas rye cine ade mid sem. cm ne nak mek exam x de i.d sengal la)

En M : ala. duit byk kn. awk keje.

Sy : haish. sbb x de duit la sy keje. (mintak simpati skit)

En M : dah2. pegi naek rehat tido. besok jmpe sy.

Sy : yelah.

naek balik tngkat 4. baring2 x tuka pun uniform keje busuk. pk mcm. npe la ssh sgt. keje pn slh. bkn wat pe pn. duk ostel cm ni la gaya nye. nak wat pe pn x leh. last2 tido jgk dlm pkul 2 sbb otak dh serabut sgt.

pg tu x gi kelas. x de mood. ptg bru gi. tu pn sal nak jmpe en M ngan mek test 1 basic microbiology. pas wat test gi jmpe en M.

hurm.. nak mek i.d kne dnda rm50. ciss. duit mnyak aku pn x smp rm50 sebulan. x pe x pe. byk tol dugaan. En M ckp kne tulis surat inform kolej nak keje. atas sbb2 yg kukuh. agak2 kalau aku tulis je kt surat tu "sy nak beli henset baru sbb tu sy keje duit pt x ckup". ok x? haha! ok2. x pun kne duk lua. cri umah sewa. sng kit nak keje kn. ske hati aku nak balik kul bpe.

surat menyurat?? hurm.. aku bkn reti nak surat2 ni. lg2 nak ltk ayt power wat alasan kukuh sal pe nk keje. umah sewa?? byr bln2 lg. arghhhhh....

ssh... nye... cm... niee....

se...ra...but....

to....long....

-___-"

amek ahh i.d tu. pas ni nak benti blaja keje pn x nak. nak kawen. haha!!!

ok2. back to the story. what should i do???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-___________-"

classes.. adoi. -_-"

i sleep a lot lately.very often u know. one of the day, i slept about 16 hours and woke up just one hour b4 went to work. like hell crazy lorh!! i dont know y my body feels like they are just waiting the time to rip apart. i'm tired. tired like hell. seriously.

and lately i noticed that i'm no more interested in going for classes. ehem. i'm still interested in studying okayy. it's just that i don't like the fucking hell going to college and classes and all. it's getting bored day by day. just sat in the class, hearing my lect blah blah blah. maybe it's because the environment?? fucking cold aircond, dim light while watching slide, lecturer gives their lecture for 1 hour straight b4 giving 5 mins of break. nice huh. i found that i can no longer concentrate after 30 mins of lecture. -_-"

i skip classes very often lately. i don't know y. i rather studying on my own that going to college. well, as u guys know, my college is... kindda.... different from the normal one. it is more like a school than a college. seriously!! i felt like i've being treated like a school children. school is better that my college. more activities, more food in the canteen, sports!! yeah sports. i've been through a really sportless year since i'm here. wtf. -_-"

i must put all the strength to get through this college life for about.... another 5 mth. and then i'm going for posting. better than classes i wish. i cannot do something that don't require myself just to sit back and do nothing. i need to move okayyy. walk here and there, making myself dayyuum tired. that's the way i like!!! ;D

musim hilang

musim moto ilang ke kat ipoh ni?? bhayer tol.

kat tempat keje aku je dh 2 bijik ilang selama aku keje. dah la tu ilang btul2 depan kedai. siap ber cctv pn leh ilang. sungguh pro lah pencuri tu kan. membe aku yg ilang moto dier tu siap ber fork bagai. ilang jgk. -__-"

part paling best, moto yg ilang tu sumpah sebijik ngan moto aku.

"ex5... dan bwarna merah"

badi ke???

bebudak tmpt keje ckp lepas ni turn aku lak. jeng jeng...

oiii jgn oi!!!! x keje aku nnt. wooo wooo..... T__T

pastu kat Permai pn ade ilang 1. bebaru jgk la. LC lg you. x silap aku x lme lepas ade org usik moto aku. mungkin pencuri tu nak curik moto aku, tp memandang kn dier rse moto aku cikai plus koto x bebasuh, dier amek lak lc bdk tu. dayyyummm you pencurik!!!

ha ade lg 1 kwn abg aku nyer moto. ilang kt meru. yg ni pencuri tu siap bkak pagar umah wat cm umah sendri.

musim ilang moto btoi la. bhayer. takot.

haish. isau2. -__-"

tonsil. lg. -_-"

buat ke berapa juta kali nyer. aku demam lg. yess sakit bdn sakit tekak. tgh hari td pn start la my baby tehegeh hegeh gi klinik. (mc nyer psl). hari ni pn x gi kelas. well, aku gi klinik bese lah. yg kt tanjung tu. nape? sal doctor dier x kerek. plus sng bg mc. baek ooo. hehe.

doctor tu pn dh taw ikot record aku sal penah dtg kt situ. x de nak check demam ke ape ke. trus mek torchlight suh bukak mulut.

jeng jeng...

"hm. tonsil lg ni"

omaigod!!!

mmg sumpah x larat la nk demam salu ngan tonsil ni. -__-"

doctor ckp "better u remove this thing. otherwise u'll often caught fever and it will effect ur health in the future"

haaaa....

siap takut kan aku lg nnt x buang lme2 leh efek buah pnggang la ape la.

doctor ku syg....

sy bkn x nak buang. cme.. hurm... err....

tkt kot. ak ni msk wad pn x penah. operation? apetah lg. haish. ak rse yg pling teruk gi hosp kne jahit 5 jahitan kt hidung ak ni n lepas. sal jatuh kne cermin. tu pn nangis dah mcm tgk cte hindustan kabi kushi kabi gam 50 kali. -__-"

tp ble pk balik. btl gak ckp doctor tu. slagi x buang slagi tu la duk demam sakit bdn cm nie. tiap2 bln!! x larat woiii.

ok ok. ujung mnggu ni aku gi hosp wat check up. ngan appointment buang tonsil aku ni.

wtf!! kne OPERATION?? pape lah.

takuttttt.......... T___T

p/s : doctor tu ckp tonsil aku bentuk bunga. haha!! dier ckp laen org laen bentuk tonsil dier. ade bulat la lonjong la. aku?? bunga?? mesti cun en tonsil aku. ngee...

customer oh customer

tringat aku time gado ngan customer sal kupon. ngok kau bwk kupon domino gi pizza hut pastu marah2 pahal x leh guna?? -_-" ade jgk ker org mcm nie?? gilerr. dah la tu. part x leh blah nak menang jgk. kang aku bawak jgk ko kua tunjuk signboard pizza hut ngan lampu kelip2 kat lua tu kang. sebesa besa alam pn x nmpk. haish. last2 skali dier tnyer aku domino kt mne. gahahaha. aku pn ckp domino kat dlm sua encik. hahaha. x la x la. aku ckp domino depan skit je lg dr cni. bye2 please come again. ;P

part paling x tahan. amek order pn berejam. panggil aku pastu duk tecegat diri lame2 tnggu la customer bru nak study menu. aci x dah study menu tu bg habes bru panggil? x yah jd tugu negara kt situ. kdg2 tu tuka order smp 10 kali. hbes kertas order ak gna smp 3 helai. jgn mmbazir okay..

aku rase jarak meja antara meja kat situ x la jauh. kre korang x yah la berenang lintas laut atau pun hbes kan mnyak 3 hengget moto korang utk smp kt meja seblah korang kn. customer salu je pnggil aku, dlm erti kate len, men sweet2 yg buat aku menyampah sgt. pnggil elok2 boley??? pnggil cik adek manis ke bru la aku ade mood siap lari2 lg gi kt meje customer tu. okayyy dah smp kt meja customer tu, dier ckp "tlg amek cili sos". weyh!! cili sos kt seblah meja kau je kan. haaa... perlu ke pnggil aku?? aku pn diri tgh2 antara meja dier ngan meja seblah tu hulur tgn je mek cili sos bg. x yah gerak2.

korang mesti penah bli hot ticket kan?? yg ade piza personal tmbah singgit tu. personal tu piza paling kecik. dah ler nme pn personal. utk sorang mkn. salu je customer hot ticket tekejut beruk bler piza derang smp. "la. besa ni je npe kecik sgt?". haaa!! dah le tmbah singgit je nak besa mne lg. -_-"

lg satu kalau aku bwk tray ade cwn byk2. tgn kanan pegang jug kdg2 dua. berat ooo. leh tumboh muscle tgn aku ni lme2. smp2 je kt meja. "semua x nak ais yer". %&^%*^*&. bgtaw ler awl2. x psl2 kne tehegeh hegeh pegi balik kat bar buang ais.

wlaupun kdg2 customer pnyer kerenah mintak penampo aku jer, tp x kisah la. layannn je. mke mesti manis, kang aku lak dpt penampo x psl2. ;P

fenat

gahhh... sumpah rse cm x de life skang. pagi kolej petang keje smp mlm balik tido. ulang lg bnde same hari2. x remaja tol la. oh tp x pe. i wanna keep myself busy. cehh. ;P

nape kne bekerja keras??

ahaa... u'll see the result later.

;P