the book

i love to read books. but somehow, i didn't manage to do that recently. recently is not just recently. it had been 2 years i haven't constantly read books. i mean, i used to read a lot during my high school years. there's a logic behind it, well maybe i have more time during that days compare to now. but i had made a .. not a promise.. it is more like a must to do things that i have to do daily. so that i don't think much about real life. yess i admit it. my imagination is wild and crazy and it feels like i'm drowning into the storyline and not aware what's happening around me at that time. does it make sense? i don't know if it happened to you guys too but yeah. me being me. 

and recently i read this book called shiver. it was the best!!! one of the best books i've ever read. when i read this books, i feel like i was watching the character doing what they're currently do in the books. it was awesomeee feeling i tell ya. woah!! no words can describe that..

seriously i recommend you, those novels junkies to grab this books and read it. i haven't finish with the first book yet. but i'm totally excited and soo eager to read the next two. (i bought the set which include all the three books come in this shhiver series). but warning, those who hate twilight, don't bother to read this books. because u might strangle me after u read the first 3 chapter. haha. 

gonna read read read and read until i'm bored with this series. just like i did when i was crazy about harry potter. i read those series for like...20 times?? for me to read a book more than over 20 times, that book must be crazily unlogic, fiction and damn good. 

i just love this series... i hope they made it into movies. so that i can curse if the movies sucks. ;P

i'm bored...

i woke up this morning. feeling lonely. and bored to death. i hate to work during weekdays but hate it more doing nothing on saturday and sunday. for better or for worst, i don't know. but i choose to stay at home, and deal with this boredomness rather than going out. but it's ok... well, i'm going to find a part time job again. i can't just sit back and do nothing. and, by working, that's mean i have 2 jobs, and will be working 7 days a week, 30 days a mnth. how tiring is that?? i don't mind...

i'm doing the right thing isn't it?

wondering

i wonder those words you wrote..
is it for me??
or for somebody else..
i have this strange of feelings...
that you would not let it go..
as i asked you to...
please..
we have to make it work..
atleast, i made that work..
i hope those words are not for me..
because i don't want to be in any part of your life again..
you purposely wrote that..
as you know i would read it..
well, if that your intention..
i apologize...
i've said it before...
but there's no harm if i apologize again isn't it...
that is what you really wanted..
isn't it??
hey.. i'm so sorryyy...
for what i've done before..
for those stupid mistakes i made...
i'm sorry...
i'm sorry if i hurt you...
sorry...

sincerely,
hafiza

1437

i told myself, to not let him go. i was selfish. i was blind. i was a fool. but i've gained my courage. to tell you that i let you go. and asked for your forgiveness. i apologise, for what i've done to you. there's so many mistakes i made towards you. i hurt you. but there's not even a single time pass by, and every each breath of mine, you're always in my heart. in my mind. but i was thinking, what if she's the one for you. what if she can give you the happiness, that you was never felt with me. she took care of you unlike me who mounting an ego, to not let myself down and not being with you whenever you need somebody by your side. she understands you, unlike me, i was relying on you. hoping that you would understand me. i cried with all my heart. infront of you. begging you, not to hurt me anymore. as what i've been through right now, it is enough already. if your intention is to made me realize, that losing you will be the most saddest feeling i can ever felt. it works. i am hurt. i am sad. but i was never mad at you. for what you've done. i took it as my punishment. to be a better person in the future. if it is not with you, then i should be better person to somebody else. i made a promise, if later on i found a person, that i love as much as i love you, i will never take things for granted. because i don't want to lose that person anymore, just like i lost you.

please don't make this hard for me..
help me.. to forget you..
and forget our memories..

I hate to see the one I love happy with somebody 

but I surely hate it more to see the one I love unhappy with me...

tagged questions

Where were you 3 hours ago? 
Mcd Ipoh Garden

Who are you in love with? 
him. always him.

Have you ever eaten a crayon? 
nope.

Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? 
yes. a mirror.

When is the last time you went to the mall? 
last Sunday

Are you wearing socks right now? 
no

Does your family have a car worth over $2,000? 
yes. my dad's car. i don't have my own.

When was the last time you drove out of town? 
i don't even have a license

Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days? 
no

Are you hot? 
nope

What was the last thing you had to drink? 
teh ais

What are you wearing right now? 
t-shirt and short pants

Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it? 
i don't have a car lahhhh

Last food that you ate? 
nasi goreng paprik

Where were you last week at this time? 
i don't remember

Have you bought any clothing items in the last week? 
yess. a t-shirt.

When is the last time you ran? 
2 hours ago. trying to catch up with him. he walked too fast.

What's the last sporting event you watched? 
football. Perak vs Sarawak at stadium Ipoh

What is your favorite animal? 
cat =)

Your dream vacation? 
vacation accompany by my husband to be but i don't know who is going to be my husband

Last person's house you were in? 
errr.... x ingt..

Worst injury you've ever had? 
5 stitches on my batang hidung.

Have you been in love? 
ofcourse

Do you miss anyone right now? 
yes i do.. i miss him.. ='(

Last play you saw? 
can't remember..

What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? 
cry like a baby.. =P

What are your plans for tonight? 
nothing much. on9, write my journal, sleep.

Who is the last person you sent a MySpace message or comment? 
i think no one uses myspace nowadays

Next trip you are going to take? 
err.. ntah

Ever go to camp? 
few times

Were you an honor roll student in school? 
no..

What do you want to know about the future? 
who is going to be my husband =P

Are you wearing any perfume or cologne? 
cologne. sometimes i use perfume.

Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit? 
no..


Where is your best friend? 
in k.l

How is your best friend? 
i think she's doing fine. started a new semester in her uni.

Do you have a tan? 
nope


What are you listening to right now? 
awie songs.

Do you collect anything? 
nope..

Who is the biggest gossiper you know? 
no idea


Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over? 
last year. near Fairpark.

Have you ever drank your soda from a straw? 
yess

Do you like hot sauce? 
yes i do! =)

Last time you took a shower? 
4 hours ago

Do you need to do laundry? 
ofcourse i do

What is your heritage? 
malay + mamak + chinese. kot.

Are you someone's best friend? 
i think so..

Are you rich? 
apparently no.

What were you doing at 12AM last night? 

crying...

letting go and moving on

 we used to be happy together..
we get along very well..
we share our laughter..
we care for each other..
i was very happy..
eventhough deep inside me..
i never feel confident..
i felt insecure..
but being with you was the happiest thing in my life..
i told myself..
not to be worried..
all is going to be fine..
even i knew...
such thing will happened..
we will be apart..
we will hate each other..
we tend to blame each other..
and it happened..
i'm hurt..
i'm sad..
losing you was worst feeling i can ever felt...
i'm not blaming you..
as i know i was never perfect for you..
and still i am not..
you choose her instead of me..
to be part of your life..
i wish..
i'm the one..
who is going to hold your hand till we're old..
spending our life together..
having a family together..
until i realize..
i was just dreaming..
dreaming about something that is impossible..
because i was never in your heart..
i knew it all this while..
but keep pretending..
i lied to myself..
i convinced my self...
denying the fact..
pretending that is not true..
i was a fool..
i was stupid..

but now i have to let you go..
it was hard..
as i've been through this kind of situation before..
and i never thought of going through it again..
this is life..
forgetting you is hard..
but i have to..
life is never easy...
i wish you're happy with her..
you will always in my heart..
MSZ

me being me

i've lost myself or most of me..

i'm so confused..

what's true or false..

what's fact and fiction after all..

 

the fact : a life

the fiction : a life full of happiness

 

The sun has dimmed...

The sun has dimmed

The moon has begun to burn

Why has the sky begun to melt?

I stand still as the earth moves around me

The heart beats faster as my breath goes deeper

Yes, is this my first love?

My love, is this my first love?

This moment is beautiful

Everything is changing

Dreams are blending into real life

Is this bond of ours centuries old?

For in a such way i am meeting you

Love's season will remain like this always

Meet me like this, lifetime after lifetime

I stand still as the earth moves around me

The heart beats faster as my breath goes deeper

Yes, is this my first love?

My love, is this my first love?

Only with your colour am i this colourful, darling

Having gained you, i am losing myself, darling

Beloved, having drowned in your love

I am becoming the shore, darling

The ocean has become thirsty

Night has begun to awaken

Even in the heart of flame, fire erupted

I stand still as the earth moves around me

My heart beats faster as my breath goes deeper

Is this my first love?

My love, is this my first love?

The sun has dimmed

The moon has begun to burn

Why has the sky begun to melt?

=)

Cinta sejati adalah ketika dia mencintai orang lain,

dan kamu masih mampu tersenyum,

sambil berkata,

" aku turut bahagia untukmu"

ungrateful me?? no it isn't.

recently, i complained. A LOT. i complain seeing how easy for the other people who always get the things that I WANT for the longest time. i complain seeing people who can sleep all day long and still can have a good damn food to feed themself without working. i complain seeing people who can spend all the time they have.

unlike me, i have to work. to survive. to feed my self. to be able to pay bills, fuel, and so on. sometimes when my body told me that.. "gosh u're making me moving all the time. get a rest women!!! " then i started to skip classes. i tend to do this a lot. not because that i'm lazy or that i don't like going to college (mke annoying mata ke atas tgn ke dada). it's just that.. sometimes i felt so tired that all i wanted to do is to sleep and sleep and sleep.

having an energy depletion is sooo damn annoying. imagine i just came back from class around 4.30 pm. put my schoolbag down. grab the towel, wash myself as fast as i can. n change to my work cloth. i usually started working around 5 pm during the weekdays.

u see, i find working is not a hard stuff to deal with as it has become part of me. i'm the type of person who cannot just sit back and do nothing. it just that, when it comes to the part where "i have to work damn hard in order to survive while others can get what eff ver the want just by asking their parents to buy them". it just not fair.

i have to work...

to feed my stomach...

to pay bills...

to be able to buy things...

etc lah...

maybe i sound ungrateful. but that's not it. i really do not know what i have to do. or i need to do. i glad that i still can survive in this world. by my own. hope things get better for me in the future.

....

i've nothing to write. but a lot has been going on in my mind. and recently my guilty pleasure to make myself happy, well... atleast pretend to make myself happy. is by making others happy. eventhough i know that will cause my some problem, but nevermind it'll be fine.

it is fine to make others happy...
when u're not...
atleast someone is happy..
even it's not you...

"what goes around comes around"

i'm currently in the state of the highest desperateness...
for happiness..
or in other words...
hoping for someone that can make me happy...
just like i did to the others..

hope my turn will come soon..

missing u...

dedicate this song especially for you....

Di Saat Aku Mencintaimu

mengapa kau pergi, mengapa kau pergi
di saat aku mulai mencintaimu
berharap engkau jadi kekasih hatiku
malah kau pergi jauh dari hidupku
*courtesy of LirikLaguIndonesia.net
menyendiri lagi, menyendiri lagi
di saat kau tinggalkan diriku pergi
tak pernah ada yang menghiasi hariku
di saat aku terbangun dari tidurku

aku inginkan dirimu datang dan temui aku
kan ku katakan padamu aku sangat mencintai dirimu
aku inginkan dirimu datang dan temui aku
kan ku katakan padamu aku sangat mencinta

menyendiri lagi, menyendiri lagi
di saat kau tinggalkan diriku pergi
tak pernah ada yang menghiasi hariku
di saat aku terbangun dari tidurku

semoga engkau kan mengerti tentang perasaan ini
maaf ku telah terbuai akan indahnya cinta (indahnya cinta)
maaf sungguh ku tak bisa (tak bisa) untuk kembali padamu
maaf ku telah terbuai akan indahnya cinta

aku inginkan dirimu datang dan temui aku
kan ku katakan padamu aku sangat mencinta

berprotokol bagai.. rimas lerrr

alkisahnyer, CMS tmpt keje aku sgt la teruk. bos yg ckp la. aku peduli hape kalau teruk pn. janji aku wat keje aku.

CMS ni mcm cre kte greet customer la kan. kne introduce kn diri mula2, senyum la, ape la. yess aku leh wat semua tu tp ikut mood jgk. then nme aku je yg x kua cms lg. sal aku lg selesa duk blakang tabir wat keje (e.g bar ke washing ke lantak jnji x duk dpn lyn customer).

2-3 hari ni bos ade je duk melanguk tgk staff2 wat keje. komen dier sal aku kt manager :

"sy nak fiza introduce diri sebelum mek order. pastu suh dier senyum kt customer. kalau x nnt besok sebelum punch kad sy nak dier diri depan cermin senyum je 20 minit"

errr... aku x kisah la gurau ke ape ke. well, x ckup ke aku senyum kt customer? x kan nak tegedik gedik lak. adoiii. T__T yess kdg2 aku senyum dah tahap terpaksa hipokrit thp gebang, sbb da penat. keje 8 jam leh ke ko nak senyum ngan ikhlas 8 jam tu??

bak kata Farmi kwn tmpt keje aku. (statement dier wat aku gelak gak ngan mke bodo selambe dier tu).

"ceh. senyum2. penat la. dpt elaun senyum x pe gak ni gaji same jer"

HAHA!

ye la ye la. from now on, i will focus on my cms. tu pn sbb kang aku x wat manager aku lak kene. seb bek manager2 pn sempoi baek2.

p/s : x de mud nak merepek psl exam final. exam?? ape tu?? hoooo~

feel better

ehem ehem... korang konpem ckp aku kuno pas ni. sbb aku da dlete fb!! muahaha. well, rse nye aku x perlukan fb buat mse skang. bia la aku ngan dunia aku sendri. eceh. bkn pe. aku rse fb ni salah satu penyumbang keserabutan pale aku atas sbb2 ttentu. well, tp kdg2 nak keep update sal org2 ttentu aku cilok fb huda ngan aini jap tgk. argghhh!!! bek x yah delete fb cm tu kn. -___-" ttp well, like i said, fb is not necessary to me for the time being. n n told myself not to be a stalker by using org len nyer fb!!!